November 26, 2012

The Dawn of a New Era

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have gotten myself a mutha-f*cking CHROMEBOOK! Stay tuned for my impressions as I go straight to the cloud up in this piece.

November 13, 2012

October 30, 2012

In Google We Trust...

My friends, fellow free men and women, I have news for you... Voting does matter, and yes, things can change. You may think me naive or foolish, and thats ok, because I think you are a traitor if you don't vote. Its my extreme point of view, but what can I say, I grew up in the 90s, I freaking love extreme. Its not my intention to offend, if you have a solid, principled reason why you are abstaining from voting then I say good for you. For example, if you truly do not believe in any of the candidates, major or minor, etc.

However, most folk I know who aren't voting will whine and moan about the government, express an endless amount of uninformed opinions, pick and choose winners and losers, etc., but when asked who are they voting for, they openly admit they didn't register and moan about it being too much of a hassle or, even worse, how nothing will change. That is lame.

My friends, voting is NOT hard. Its basically a 20 minute chore you do every 2 to 4 years. If you believe in the principles and the value of Democracy, YOU VOTE! Thats what Democracy means! LITERALLY! If you are upset that the politicians don't listen to your opinions, thats because your vote is your opinion, and if you are upset that your vote is going to get washed out in the stream of 300 million other votes, I got news for you, thats what your opinion is worth, just a drop in the bucket. You don't vote because it works, you vote because you are free, and free men and women have this right that is unquestioned and inalienable.

If you need info on the platforms, the polls, the trends, the latest news, the location of your voting station, etc., Google has once again come to the rescue with its Voter Information Tool. A load of nifty widgets and stuff to help inform your choice.

So, man-up, woman-up, or tranny-up and go vote!

'via Blog this'

October 25, 2012

The Google Doc Saints

Direct from the Official Chrome Blog, also off of my computer, comes automatic icons to open your various Google Drive word editors. At the moment you have Docs, Sheets, and Slides. With the kinks pretty much worked out of Offline Docs, the Drive has become a hot ticket. In fact, I feel its finally begun to live up to its promise to oust Microsoft Word as the unchallenged word processing champion. Sure, Open Office has been around and Libre Office was there too, but both were merely clones of Word proper. Than again, there's not much innovation  in word processing is there, right.

Wrong, stupid!  Google did it by making Google Docs a Cloud application. No longer will students have to lug around those heavy Flash Drives and hope the .DOC or .DOCX version is up to date. The Drive gives us our book-reports and term papers on the web, accessible anywhere, anytime, even the phone. Another great advance thanks to the growing essential power of the cloud barons over the software  Luddites. Ha! The barbarians...

One click to Docs, Sheets, and Slides:
Posted by Jonathan Rochelle, Director of Product Management, the Official Chrome Blog

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October 23, 2012

Chromebook sells out in less than 24 hours!!!

Did I call it or what. Everyone that scoffed at the Chromebook and said they didn't see a point  you are now official labeled a DUMBASS. You got no imagination, buddy. I knew, oh yes, the internet and its horsepower are the future, no one would deny that, so why than would you think an internet corvette like this would do anything other than take over like Stalin. Yet, there were hurdles to jump, because every new technology has them, without exception. The key was the cost to the consumer, as it almost always is. The Chromebook promises a cheaper, quicker, smarter solution, but until now it failed on the first one. Now its Three-for-Three. 

Enjoy your Chromebooks. Also enjoy your free 100 Gigabytes of Google Drive as well.

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October 21, 2012

Rollin on Candy Chromebook, now just $250

New Chromebook's best feature: low price

I like the Chromebook, or rather, I like the idea of the Chromebook. Think about it. The vast majority of electronic humanity uses their computers for one thing, internet lolz. So why not make a computer made exclusivity for internet, tearing the expensive guts out of the hardware and slathering a Cloudsource shine on the software, and who better than the unofficial lords and masters of the web, Google. Ideals aside the Chromebook had its issues as the first decent web-based notebook, but I'm glad Big G stuck with the idea, and now they've lowered the cost to $250 on the next Samsung and Google Chromebook. Thats basically tablet bracket, literally actually, the Google Nexus 7 16 GB is around the same cost. This is the kind of move that could actually make the CB worth it to invest in.

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July 20, 2012

Jet Set Radio skating onto Android 'this summer'

Jet Set Radio skating onto Android 'this summer'

One of my unquestioned favorites, looking forward to this download. JSR will also come to Xbox and PS3 via the online stores.

July 10, 2012

Who wants a 5 inch Ice Cream Sandwich?

AT&T to roll out Android 4.0 update for Samsung Galaxy Note on July 10th Wish I had one... The 'awesomest' update? S-Note gets hand-writing to text function. Things are looking up, kid...

June 26, 2012

Project Glass: Let Google turn you into an Omnipotent God!

Watch this "concept" video and you'll see what I mean. Good to know Google will one day let me avoid ever having to speak to anyone every again... except for myself.

June 18, 2012

EA, Wooga pulling games from Google Plus | Joystiq

EA, Wooga pulling games from Google Plus | Joystiq'via Blog this'

Looks like the faithless are scrambling for their pieces of silver. God forgives, Nerds don't...

Actually, the user drought that G+ has been weathering patiently seems to be catching up with them finally. These developers, as Judas-like as they may be, are noticing just as easily as we are that while G+ may boast a large user base, most of those people abandoned it in the first few months and sailed back to the homeland of Facebook. No users means no playing games, and if no one plays the games, well... I don't even know what that means, its too scary a conclusion to think about. Is this a dreaded sign of things to come? Google Games is needed now more than ever!

May 16, 2012

Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode II Comes to Android

What an unexpected delight!

Listen up all you Sons of Sega, you Genesis Generation, you Dreamcasters, you People of the Blast Processor. Treading in the wake of Mega Man comes this retro futuristic gem from the ole blue blur, Sonic the Mutha-F***in' Hedgehog, always down but never out.

Sonic 4 is actually out for several platforms: Xbox Live, Playstation Network, soon it will be on the various iThings. On the Android side, it's currently only availible for Nvidia Tegra 3 powerhouses, but will become "omniandroidal" soon.

I think this the route that the ailing Sonic franchise needs to take, a return to it's original style. Not everything is meant for three demensions.

$6.99 is a small price to pay for potentially epic nostolgia.

Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode II Comes to Android

May 02, 2012

Google Docs Walks! Google Drive Thrives!

I'm a big fan of Google Docs, or as it's now called Google Drive, and this new expansion has opened the cloud service to file formats beyond just documents. I've always liked the idea of having all my documents available to me as long as I have an internet connection. The fact that it's Android counterpart blends so well with the whole cloud network seals the deal. Now for the super-cherry on my big pile of cherrys (I f**king love cherries, bro), Google Drive now has a desktop paradox folder, one of those hard to fathom wonders of the emerging cloud revolution. It allows you to place a Google Drive folder in Windows Explorer so you can save your Word or Open Office docs, or anythign else really, right to Big G's cloud storage. It's able to do this because your Drive exists on both your hard drive and the internet, or something. It's nifty even if it feels a bit like evil sorcery.

While I like the Drive, I'm dissapointed that Google felt they had to do away with the whole Google Docs brand. I thought it was becoming a distinct alternative to client-side doc writing, allowing documents the freedom to have multiple real time authors, easy doc conversion, URL links for sharing, growing integration with the rest of Google's gang services and all the other perks of being part of the internet, rather then shoveling data onto it (It's not a big truck. Old-ass reference for the win!). It's name is also a disappointment, but that's the usual for Google. It's a fine designation for an app, but in many places, mainly on Google's OS platforms like Android, the title will be truncated to remove Google, and it will just say “Drive”, which is confusing and stupid, but what should I expect, it does it with everything else; Music, Books, etc.
The genuine problem I have with G-Drive (such a better name) is the same I've had since it was Google Docs, you can't edit content offline, which remains the biggest stumbling block to the advancement of the cloud in general. Every time my internet goes out, I have to switch back to Open Office to get any writing done. I'll also sometimes find that I've been writing a lengthy document that hasn't been saving because I neglected to notice the net was down, than I just X-out the sucker, thinking I'll find it later. Ok, that hasn't happened to me yet, but it totally could, and that's puts the kind of fear in you where you think you need to vote for an idiot to be safe.

What the Drive needs is an offline document editor that's client-side, installed on the hard drive. If they don't have a stupid name in mind they could call it Google Docs, or something like Google Docs Editor or Google Document Writer, just give it a name geeks can respect in their tools. This really doesn't seem difficult, just place it on top of the Drive sync software. You then should be able open a native Google Docs program and save your file directly to the drive. It could also simultaneously upload saves while editing, and update the document automatically if edited somewhere else. It's the true application of the cloud, where desktop and internet exist simultaneous to one another.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing what Google comes up with in their burgeoning mega-cloud. Google Drive is by far my favorite cloud storage, though they all have their strengths, and it has become my go-to site for my professional documents. However, Microsoft SkyDrive giving me 20 gigabytes of data at no cost, for a reason I'm not entirely sure of (I think it was a gift), has endeared me as well. You got anything for me too, Big G? Peace.

March 16, 2012

What is Google Play? Unrelated: what happened to my Android Market app?

The Android Market, Google's bargain bin of awesome, is no more. Raising from the depths comes the enigmatic and slightly perplexing Google Play Store. What's changed? Pretty much just the name. Long live the Google Play Store!

There's more to it than that of course. The whole Play thing is a huge re-branding of Google apps and services under one heading (cause just Google isn't enough) and according to my secret source (the Internet, shhh) it's integrating it's various digital distribution platforms into one convenient system. Ergo and such, you've no doubt noticed some of your "favorite" Google apps receiving new names. The new family includes; Play Music, Play Movies, and Play Books (please keep in mind that some of these services are only available to rich white boy countries, no offence intended to white boys who aren't rich OR to Asian countries who are included in this category) Here's a simple equation I created to clear up this unification, I call it the "Playthagorian" Theorum (get it, lol);

Android Market times the sum of Google Movies plus Google Music plus Google Books equals Google Play divided by the sum of Play Music times Play Books times Play Movies x Android Apps. Thanks 8th Grade Algebra!
What's REALLY new to Play? Well, how about daily deals on apps and music and stuff, much like the Amazon Marketplace with it's free paid app a day idea. Also, remember that new privacy policy they harassed us for so long about reading, because of that, apparently they're also able to hock their ads more effectively. For example, ebook purchases will now effect the ads you see in Play Movies (cause now that you've read the book you need to be disappointed by the movie), which effects the ads in Play Music (cause the movie sucked but the soundtrack was tight), and so forth and etc.

With this fellowship of the ring forged, and Google Wallet acting as Frodo, Google is poising to march to Mount Jobs and... I think my analogy can end there. They're going to be able to directly compete with iTunes for control of the digital media sales market, because while the Play Store looks just like the Market, it's focus is shifting from browsing and buying on your Android phone, to more of a one-stop Google department store you visit on your daily desktop/laptop surfing and pushing the content right to your device. If you have ever used the Market's website to download an app before, you know that it's quite convenient. You browse for your choice in a nice big desktop window, you connect your smartphone to your account, and when you purchase your app, your phone beeps, and you find out it downloaded itself onto your SD card before the "Thank you for shopping..." page even loaded in your browser. Now that's convenience! Now Google want's that ease of distribution for all it's other impulse purchase websites for that obvious, but never mentioned, reason anybody does anything with a computer or the internet, compete with Apple. The Market has always done great, but the three media apps have been struggling since their creation. Sewing them all together and creating a media Frankenstein seems as good a way as any to rebuild interesting, and one brand name helps. However, one does not simply compete with Apple...

Check out this YouTube video from the new The Google Gamer Blog: Official YouTube Playlist for a brief overview;

What effect does this have on the gaming? Nothing I can tell. Games are still treated the same as apps except for the usual categorization difference within the shop, and on your phone they're still just tossed in there with your other apps. It's a travesty that music, movies, and books get individual representation, but games are left to blend in to the background. How great would a Play Games app be, organizing all your grinding and button-mashing and DPSing into one convenient interface that could share to G+ or something. The name even makes sense, as opposed to Play Books, that just sounds like a bad Spanglish translation.

It seems a shame to toss out the iconic Android name for a somewhat meaningless white-washed title like Play. One does wonder if Google is tossing out the old school Android moniker for a slightly more efficient clone that bears the Google logo instead. Than again, if it makes things easier for the customer than who cares. It's also possible we could see the Chrome Web Store eventually march under this banner if Google really wants to integrate everything they could possible sell or paste an ad bar to. They sure have been into that lately.

Check the links for more info and better spelling (though significantly less wit and charm) and tell me what you think of the new Play family. Peace.

"One company, one store: Why Google axed Android Market for Google Play" from Digital Trends
"The Android Market is now Google Play" from Phandroid

"¿A dónde fue el Android Market?" desde
"Google unifica su oferta de aplicaciones y contenido"desde

March 10, 2012

SDK Opens for Playstation Suite, finally

The long awaited software development kit (SDK) for the Playstion Suite is just around the corner. As mentioned in previous articles; the PlayStation Suite is an Android App that allows you to play ported versions of classic PSOne games on your smartphone and/or tablet. The "showcase" game for this service, that has been shown almost every time, is Crash Bandicoot. Not the best choice, the failed Sony brand mascot who hocked stuffed-crust pizza and lives on more as a gamer in-joke than an actual game people wanted to dredge up.

However, it was the only choice really, unless they wanted their flagship Suite game to be a soccer game (maybe in Europe), as the list of games was scant, at best.

Finally, that's about to change with the SDK coming out in April. That means all those busy bees looking to breath new life into the PSOne's hardcore classics can get t

This app is not for just anyone with any old Android device, your device must be "Playstation Certified", which is some what of a marketing gimmick that basicly acknoledges a hardware and performance minimum that devices must carry. However, as there are plenty of top teir Android devises that are not considered certified, it's a mostly arbitrary distinction. In fact, to date, the only smartphones to be certified are the Sony-Ericsson/Sony Mobile Xperia line, beginning over a year ago with the intriguing (but not that interesting) Sony Xperia Play, and Sony's two tablets, the S and the P.

It has been anounced though that a future HTC smartphone will be shooting for the first non-Sony Playstation certification, so who knows if we'll see the Suite run the gambit of Android devises.

PS: I'm starting to hate technology. My laptop has AIDS and is dieing, my smartphone has a brain tumor, my tablet is gone, and my sister's tablet is dangerously skitzophrenic. Please excuse the quality of this post becuse I'm hurrying to post it so don't smash this piece of shit out of frustration. Senerinty now...

March 02, 2012

Chrome Game Review: Kingdom Rush

This may not be the best way to start a review on a Tower Defense game, but I freakin' hate Tower Defense games. I put TDs in a category called "not real" games, in that sort of snobbish, elitist disdain that a film buff might have for your average Action flick. They're casual, the bastards of social games, not the grandiose epics we Hardcore Gamers crave. They're pretty much the same mechanic copy/pasted to every game, with the sprites changing to fit the setting, but no real attempt to be unique or innovative is made. They're the kind of cheaply made game that clogs Androids and iPhones so developers can make a quick couple of cents off the ads. Also, let's not forget that this whole scheme is nearly a decade old, I remember playing lame-ass TDs on Newgrounds and JibJab, and not alot has changed.

Yet as I am typing this I am willed with an awe-inspiring feeling of befuddlement, because I love Kingdom Rush for the very fact that is counters every gripe I listed above with a new, fresh, innovative take on the classic scheme, while at the same time being a quintessential example of a Tower Defense game. I generally like to be befuddled, it's a good feeling, especially when it's about a game I can properly obsess about.


This game comes to us by way of the Chrome Web Store, however, it's hosted in like a billion difference places across the web. In fact, the app actually takes you to another flash games site, which is just pointless in my opinion, this app is a glorified bookmark. This is what bugs me about Chrome Apps, most are just straight rips from the website, I was hoping we'd actually get some APPS, you know, mini-programs that can give you an improved experience over the website. Oh well, it's got the potential and I'm patient.

Kingdom Rush comes to us courtesy of Ironhide Game Studio. Let's get critical!


The bedrock of every game, the bones, the bricks and morter, the roots, the firmament, etc. The great question that defines our medium, does this game play? Very much, sir.

If you've ever played a Tower Defense game, you know the drill. There's a winding path across the screen where various baddies will shlep on threw. If they get to the end, they sack your tower, steal your gold, fondle your wife and daughters, etc. You lose. Your job is to build defenses all along that path and kill those blasted invaders before they get to your goodies. To build more towers to defend, you need to kill dudes and collect gold or it's equivalent to buy them, creating the unique balance of gameplay. This method has been the tried and true mechanic for TDs with little diversion.

Kingdom Rush, however, goes way way beyond that. In KR, you have multiple types of towers to build that  offer different benefits against specific bad guys. Simple right, it's like a matching game.  Well as they start introducing more bad guys, you find that one tower may not be enough for a certain type of monster, you may need one to break it's defense and another to kill it. Than, you start seeing enimes giving power buffs to others and the game changes again. KR really shines in that every tower placed on stage has to be carefully chosen; you need soldiers to create chock points, you need archers and magic to take out flyers, you need armor breakers to gang up on heavies, etc. With all this RTSing, especially in those moments when hordes of heavies stomping towards to, it creates a frantic rush (get it) to put up a defence. No worries, though, you're main job will be to upgrade your defense, and there are a lot of upgrades to make to your towers, including divergent tech trees in the ultimate upgrades. There a plenty of moments where the entire battle hinged on choosing the right upgrade at the right moment, unleashing a powerful attack to exploit a weakness.

In my opinion, this game is both simple enough to get your balance quick, but complex enough to have to constantly sharpen your tactics to handle the massive, massive plethora of bad dudes. Not to mention the Boss fights, nuts, simply nuts. I had a lot of fun


This game looks good, just plain good. The sprites are that good old medieval style, with a distinctive chibi/cartoon style. Though simple, they are still intricate enough to have a wide array of movements, actions, gestures, etc. I don't know how they knew with would work, but there was never a moment I lost sight of a big guy, never a moment that I was confused between my troops and theirs, and even when the screen was literal covered in bad dudes, I could still maintain control of what was going on and what threat I had to deal with next. This is a well drawn game.


Beleive it or not, the story telling wasn't bad, and here's why, they didn't do anything stupid. It's a simple tail of a kingdom getting attacked by an evil menace. All the various units were standard fantasy fare, so you didn't need to ask too many questions.

It remined me a lot Warcraft 2's story telling, remember that? A simple, elequently written page of text about the dire straights you're in and what must be done. KR apes this well so that every stage was a plot point in the overall arc. Also like Warcraft 2, it provides a map as a context for what you're fighting for, a nice tough. It's a minor part of the game, but I'm glad to Ironhide put some effort into it anyway, because that's what turns a good game into a great game.

I'm not going to give this a number or a letter or thumb in a particular direction because that's stupid, I'm not into rating games, I prefer to praise them or slam them in my own words, because there's really now adequate system for judging the value of a piece of creative work. I liked this game alot, I started playing it at 6 at night and then looked up later to find it was 6 in the morning. There's your number, I gave it 12 hours of my life. Download it, it's lotsa fun. Peace.

February 25, 2012

BlackBerry PlayBook gets Android Apps, Owners Step Back from Ledges

So if you're one of the 16 people who bought a BlackBerry Playbook, you've been eagerly and patiently waiting for a savior in the form of "The Update", BB's much needed software gear-up to BlackBerry Tablet OS 2.0 (stupid name) that is giving us access (limited access) to Android Market, letting Android app developers hock their wares to the BlackBerry faithful (but only if they feel like it). If you are one of the rest of humanity who didn't get a BBPB, than please try not to laugh at our "update" that gave us things you got like 3 years ago and still left us like 2 years worth of catching up.

One of the main problems that stunted the PlayBooks was that BlackBerry App World is barren for apps. Seriously, it was embarrassing, there were maybe 40 apps in that stupid market, and adding insult to injury, they were terrible! Like made by children, and only some were of actual use to people (no freaking email client), while most were those lame pointless goofy apps that no one downloads or, god forbid, spends money on. It's a shame too, cause this little tablet is a freaking powerhouse, video looks amazing, HD games look amazing, it's fast, it's smooth. It's like a gifted child who was neglected and uses it's incredible, unfocused talent to hustle tourists (like Good Will Hunting, the PlayBook is the Matt Damon of tablets).

I could go on and on about how this tablet is gimpy and primitive and tethered and under-developed and a late bloomer and a bunch of other anthropomorphic rhetoric, but it's a happy day, the PlayBook's finally going to school, and with a little luck, it will one day grow up to be a mediocre Android tablet. The interface is well done, no crap adapting the Android and BlackBerry Tablet OS control schemes. In fact, I think it might be an improvement to both OSs. You get the simple grace of BBTOS and the graceful simplicity of Android. Good stuff. A few gems are popping up too. For example, Dolphin Browser has been ported over, which is my browser of choice on my Galaxy S. Before, there were no alternative browsers, just BlackBerry's generic web surfer, which was unfortunate because with so few useful apps you spent most of your time using bookmarks anyway. What's great on the PlayBook is Dolphin's gesture controls, which are a welcome contrast to BB Browser's super tiny buttons you have to Five-Finger Exploding Heart technique to get it to register (honestly the Tab close buttons DO NOT need to be that small). Picasa has also got an app, they had one before but you had to pay, and I would say "LOL screw you" to that BB developer, but like most BB developers he's already been screwed by BB (burn!).

Of course, this is RIM, a company that prides itself on having delusions of grandeur, so it's not smooth sailing yet. The Android apps trickle in slowly with no indications that they are any different from the BB apps, so you can't instantly tell the difference between a brand new QNX butt-nugget or an awesome kid-tested, mother-approved Android classic. Also, most apps seem to just be straight rips of phone apps, looking a little fugly on a tablet (but that might just be how it is, cause making apps for proper Android Tablets was never that big, shame too, so much wasted space in these apps). They also feel a bit rickety, like they'll force close at any moment.

All in all, this is a good step for the beleaguered RIM, as soon as they realize it's not 2003 anymore and BlackBerry is no longer the titan of free enterprise communication, the sooner they can stop beating up Chinese flight attendants and get back on track to making tight, gourmet electronics. Virtually everything the BlackBerry brought us years ago can be done now by any other smartphone, and usually faster, better made, cheaper, and open not just BlackBerry users. No one's impressed with your private email server anymore, guys, and BlackBerry Messenger is no longer seen as impressive new form of instant communication, so slick that both Presidents and terrorists a like were using it to plan bombings, but now BBM's a restrictive, out-dated form of communication that every freaking tablet/smartphone can do better and for FREE! If you don't shape up RIM, you're gonna have a breakdown and wind up making feature phones in Indonesia (which considering how big Indonesia is and how popular BB is there might not be the worst outcome)

There I go again. All I want to say is, there are still moves for BlackBerry and it's PlayBook to make. The update was much needed and looks pretty good. Let's see what else you got, you crazy canucks. Of course we'll give you a second chance, you're BlackBerry.